I'm not alright

"wink" :)
a sunset
seen from our apt rooftop 

The start of the school year is always a bit rough; as a teacher coming off the summer, your recollections of students are the ones at the end of the year, whom you have personally trained and loved for 180 days. Then in blows the new kids... YIKES! And now we overlay that strife with cultural differences – so currently, honestly, “I'm not alright”

I am currently in a culture where the people express themselves constantly & vibrantly on the streets with their car horns. Beep! Beep! = “the light is green, get a move on!” Beep! = “I'm coming along on your blind spot, watch it!” Beeeep! = “you're going much to slow, I'm now passing you and showing my anguish!” BEEEEEEP! = “hi!” It is no wonder that my students are also constantly & very vibrantly trying to express themselves during quiet classroom time :P

"wink" :)
a 'just because' cake
from one of our neighbors

I am currently in a culture where the people are very friendly, relational, and time is not of the greatest essence. The phrase often used is “Insha'Allah” (god willing), where nothing is for sure in the future and we can only hope the meeting/time/schedule is followed (god willing). This is something I love about the people here; they ARE extremely personable and will often go out of their way to help. Time is not pressing, people are more valued. For instance, one time we were looking for a specific item at the market and asked one of the stand owners where to find it. He led us out of the market area, across the street, and beckoned to another man who then took us over to another market area...walking us right up to the stand selling the needed item. So then, why do I get so frustrated with my students when we currently accomplish about 1/3 of my planned lessons? It's no wonder my students look at me blankly when I'm constantly trying to teach them routines that all hinge on efficiency :P

I am currently in a culture where:

• At school as a teacher, I am not myself, having to completely change my teaching personality to reach the kids behaviorally & academically where they are right now. Slowly, I hope they will start meeting me halfway.

• 

  "wink" :)
  a fun cactus plant
  also looks like lime green roses!

  At school as a professional, I am not myself, having to learn the ways of the school, its curriculum, and the overall climate. Slowly, I hope I will learn when to push back in creative ways and when to just fall in line.
• In the city, I am not myself, always aware that I am a foreign single woman who cannot be fully independent, as in the US. Slowly, I hope I will see ways to respect the culture yet balance my need to break free of the perceived confines.

And so right now ...“I'm not alright”

I find myself screaming this, crying this, trembling amongst these words – but then also, holding onto new friendships and the small little winks from God.

Each day, two school cleaning ladies come into my classroom and I greet them with my few and simple Arabic words. We smile and then they chatter between themselves. The other day, they came into the room and caught me crying, as I've been extremely homesick and frustrated at current circumstances. I tried to smile and speak our normal niceties. But one of the ladies came right over and hugged me, speaking gently in Arabic to calm me down. In those moments, what is actually being said is not important :) Today, they came in very tentatively, peaked into the door and as she spotted me, she hurried over, hugged me, took my hand into hers and smiled. I smiled back and she pointed to herself, “Mariam,” so I pointed to myself, “Shmetee Gail.” Despite all the tears, I am excited for these little shimmers of belonging here :)

"wink" :)
the Atlantic waves crash @ Sunny Beach on weekends
Amazing Grace :D